Someone Wrote An Insane Simpsons Screenplay Where Everyone Smokes Weed…One Tweet at a Time

If you asked your average person what happens when you mix The Simpsons and weed, you’ll probably get some favorable answers. One is the longest-running and arguably funniest/greatest cartoon ever, and the other is the most popular illicit recreational drug in today’s society (especially the American part of it.)

So whether you’re talking about references to it on the show, some type of Simpsons bowl or bong, or just your idea of a fun afternoon, The Simpsons and Mary Jane seem to have a solid, reliable relationship.

Then some dude named Marijuana Simpson came along and fucked it all up.

To be honest, I was quite optimistic when I heard someone wrote a 5,105 tweet screenplay about Simpsons characters getting blazed. I’ve loved the show’s past allusions to the herb: be it Homer reminiscing about bongs (“Homer’s Barbershop Quartet”), his concerns about Lisa narcing on his & Marge’s stash (“Lisa the Treehugger”), the medical marijuana episode (“Weekend at Burnsies”), or pretty much anything to do with Otto. However this was just shoddy workmanship.

First, there were tons of spelling and grammar mistakes. I understand it’s on Twitter, but come on. In fact, I’m not even sure if the person who wrote it spoke English as a first language. If not, good effort on them. If so, yikes; and I probably just made it worse.

Also, for the over-abundance of weed references and slang, it sounds like it was written by someone who never smoked in their life. The terminology and phrases are varied so often that it seems forced, or like the author looked up every synonym for weed and tried to include it, along with every single saying. That’s not natural at all.

Also, the use of Simpsons characters seems totally pointless. Nobody retains their personalities from the show, with the most glaring differences being the fact that Maggie is old enough to talk, smoke, and hold political opinions, and there is another Simpson son named Ken. What the hell is going on here? On top of that, every character’s lines could be interchangeable. It’s as if they author is just using the names to get attention. Then they randomly threw in George W. Bush, Dick Cheney, Sonic the Hedgehog, Goku, and a ton of other completely unrelated persons.

The plot itself goes from way too many mentions of the physical act of hitting weed (smoke goes in, smoke comes out, puff, puff, pass – we get it) to a lot of preaching about the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, religion, and a host of other topics.

If the screenplay still sounds interesting to you, then I haven’t adequately explained the level of suck. In fact, I’ll admit it really does sound like it could work on paper. But the execution is simply awful. It says so much while saying so little. It rambles without ever drawing in the reader. It takes characters that people are already deeply care about, and makes us wish they would die in the story. I seriously think the writer of The Room penned this rag.

The only way to salvage the reading experience (especially for the suckers like me who read all the way to the ending with the Lord’s Prayer…seriously, what the shit?) is to make it into a smoking game. Every time you read something that makes you want to bash your face against the nearest wall, take a hit.

But I must warn you: there’s a good chance this game will end in the world’s very first marijuana overdose.