Season Review: Biatches Season One

There are times when I think I am too old for the internet. This is one of those times. I just finished watching the six-episode first season of Comedy Central’s new online cartoon, Biatches, and I am a little confused about why anyone would think this is a good show.

Dana and Julia are the stars of the show. They are eleven-year old girls that, due to their antics, attend The Learning Zone, a behavioral school. Almost all of the episodes begin with the friends getting kicked out of the girls’ bathroom by The Mean Girls so they retreat to the boys’ bathroom. This is where they discuss the topic for the episode.

The six episodes of the series are “Cha Cha Burp,” “Hair Down There,” “Let’s Go Potty!,” “Sweet Beef Tips,” “Catfish Klitnick,” and “Bush For The Win.” Each of them are filled with very raunchy humor. Unfortunately, it isn’t even witty or appropriate. The writers’ idea of humor, apparently, is two pre-pubescent girls looking down each other’s underwear to see if they have pubic hair yet. There is a lot of discussion about pubic hair in this series and pretty much all of it is inappropriate considering the ages of the characters.

There were a few good moments in the show. In “Catfish Klitnick,” the girls trick their teacher, Ms. Klitnick, into going on a date with Dana’s father. Most of the interaction during the date was funny. It is hysterical that Klitnick’s tits are so huge that they have to sit on the table. However, all of humor was ruined by the girls looking up Ms. Klitnick’s skirt to look at her underwear, which has an obvious wet spot. It was absolutely unnecessary.

I really wanted to like the show but it was just a huge turn-off. The show would be a lot better if the humor was witty or subtle instead of in-your-face. I have a 12-year old daughter. Eleven-year old girls don’t act like this. You can take me to the retirement home now.