Review: The Mind Machine

If you want to know why animators in Hollywood have been complaining about the lack of jobs in recent years, it’s because the walls have come down and the true rise of independent animation is here. All of the tools that were once needed in Hollywood to produce, write, and sell an original series and film are now available for everyone regardless of where they live in the world. As we speak, animation producers are no longer moving to Hollywood or NYC to try and pitch something, rather they stay right where they are and source talent from across the globe to complete a project and then use platforms like a Filmhub to distribute that content. Social Media networks like YouTube, Tiktok, and others are now breeding grounds for the animation producers of tomorrow which means now EVERYONE can get in. The only problem with that? Now EVERYONE can get in.

Everyday people wake up in the morning with the notion that they can be a content producer. Be it a stand-up comedian, a filmmaker, an animator, or a musician, there is nothing stopping anyone from doing it. The problem is cream always rises, and show business is and has always been a meritocracy. It doesn’t matter if you have zero dollars or $200 million, it doesn’t matter if you have a famous last name, and it certainly doesn’t matter if you think you have a skillset that you THINK is of industry quality, because filters are put in place to truly let the masses know whether or not your end result truly passes the gravy train. Not unlike when Simon Cowell has to tell people on America’s Got Talent that they truly do not have talent, people like me are tasked to do the same in the world of adult animation. In this latest example, I give you The Mind Machine. 

At the time of this writing, The Mind Machine is available to stream on FAST platforms like Tubi and Roku Channel, but who the hell knows for how long. In any event, this just under 60-minute feature-length film from Joseph Herman is a rife example of what happens when the guard rails are a bit lowered to let ANYONE post up a film on your AVOD service.

Are you familiar with Elon Musk’s Neuralink? That’s the premise of The Mind Machine, Nick Wallace has discovered a way to control computers with one’s thoughts but of course there are bad actors that want access to this for their own ridiculous reason. The bad actors line is key here because this film brings in Ted Blumberg to portray the role of Louis Jameson whose task it is to bring a computer to Wallace’s ex-partner Arnold Bergman before the terrifying Robert Heller can stop them and take the technology for themselves. Marci Helt portrays the daughter of Bergman and what appears to be a lame attempt to give us a love interest for Louis but you would never know because the dialogue is so poorly written you can’t make sense out of any of it. In fact, the dialogue is so bad it almost lends The Mind Machine to being more of a comedy rather than a drama because some of the shit being said is pure nonsense and without any real positive acting attributes to be found anywhere.

The animation production is terrible, but I can usually look past that if the plot has a center and there really isn’t one here. The production from Legend Animation (I can’t even believe someone had the gall to call themselves “Legend” after this piece of shit) is piss poor, yes made by one person, but I can find MANY examples of adult animation with a similar aesthetic that at least have redeeming qualities to write about. Producers like Steve Dildarian, Zul Manzi, and Gerald Grissette have done a lot with no budget far surpassing the likes of what we’re getting here.

I want to reinforce that I love indie animation, it’s why we do what we do, and I don’t want to discourage people from trying. But, when you try, make sure it’s your BEST swing. I don’t think this is Joseph Herman’s best swing and, as such, I would have saved this one on my hard drive and see if I couldn’t make something else with a Kickstarter campaign. But, to be truly successful in this game, the writing has to be there and it just isn’t with The Mind Machine.