10 Things we want for Season Five of Archer

 

Guys, it’s no secret. I love Archer. This season didn’t disappoint me (except that, as of now, there aren’t any new episodes,) and like the rest of you, I’m looking forward to all kinds of hijinks, sexual misunderstandings, booze-fueled rampages, and terrifying horrors emerging from Doctor Kreiger’s lab next season. So in an effort to stoke your imaginations I’ve compiled a list of ten things I hope to see next season. Hey, you never know.

These are in no particular order, by the way:

10) Pam finally becomes an ISIS field agent.

Dude, she can take a beating just as easily as throw one down on you when she isn’t getting high or eating herself to death. It would be a great change of pace because I would like to see…

9) Cyril goes rogue.

After getting fed up with the constant bullying by Sterling, Cyril finally snaps and decides “fuck it. I’ll just go off and become an international terrorist.” What would be even funnier is if he builds a terrorist group full of rogue accountants. I love Cyril. Aside from Ray, he’s one of the only sympathetic characters on this show. This would give Pam the opportunity to move up in the world.

8) Lana gets hand reduction surgery.

She has hands like an Amazonian basketball player, and she’s sick of it so she enlists ole Doc Krieger to make her hands smaller. He does (by “questionable” methods and by questionable, I mean illegal, immoral, and possibly gross,) at first she loves her smaller hands, but some mishap occurs and she realizes that having giant hands isn’t so bad after all.

7) Archer and Barry team up to save the world.

Sterling and Barry must team up to save the world against a certain nation making a lot of unnecessary ruckus about nukes. The payoff would be a certain
sniveling thirty year old dictator getting nut punched. In a twist, it’s revealed that this tiny island nation is in cahoots with the KGB to get rid of Barry.

6) More crossovers and guest stars.

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This season we had at least 2 separate crossovers (Bob’s Burgers, and SeaLab 2021,) and it worked perfectly. I’d love to see the creative team branch out further and try other shows to cross with. I mean really, how cool would it be if ISIS needed the help of a certain venturous scientist and his two half-retarded sons to stop Cyril from accounting everyone to death? Also, bring back Robb Wells, Mike Smith, and John Paul Tremblay because I love Trailer Park Boys.

5) Lana and Archer get back together.

I really want to see these two be happy. Both of them tend on the miserable side and while Archer drowns his sorrows in gallons of Glengooly Blue, poor Lana has to cope with her own misery with…Cyril. After Cyril goes rogue, Lana will get closer to Archer and hopefully they’ll enter into a meaningful relationship. It would give the characters some much needed depth.

4) Wouldn’t it be fun if Doctor Krieger got his own episode?

I mean an entire episode devoted to the cracked and crazy Boy from Brazil? As far as wacky neighbor types go, Krieger is one of the best. A solo episode featuring the good (we think) Doctor trying to stop a mutated Piggly III could result in…

3) The consciousness of Lana, Sterling, and Ray being switched with Kazak the dog, Baboo the ocelot, and Piggly III.

This episode would probably need to be a two parter as the agents-turned-animals have to stop the leader of a certain full-of-shit animal rights group who has been murdering puppies and kittens. Eventually their consciousness’ would be returned and Lana can nut punch the leader of the group.

  2) Cyril returns to Isis but has found happiness with someone else.

 As I said before, I feel bad for Cyril. The milquetoast of an accountant can’t catch a break. With him being gone for the entirety of the season, his return with another woman would shock Lana, leading to her inevitable return to Archer, but it’s not all bad. Cyril is happy and will have kids and live happily ever…fuck it; the wife is actually the new head of the KGB.

1) More Kazak the dog.

Don’t really feel this warrants an explanation. Who’s a son of a bitch? Who’s a son of a bitch? You’re a son of a bitch!

Until next next time, Field Agents!

-PVonD

 

Check back in Thursday for our preview for an all new Archer and be sure to enter in our Archer Photo Caption Contest!